Tee Yaps

I used to detox from social media frequently. During covid, my teammates that I used to live with would spend the summer attend team lifts at 6am, go home, nap. wake up and scroll tiktok for four hours until it was time for 2pm wrestling practice. This was their regular schedule. I would think its retarded. Fast forward 5 years later…

Its normal to doomscroll. They even gave it a term. Everyone does it. And we have become so accustomed to it.

I started distancing myself from these things, and its starting to make me more critical of the things around me. People. Time. Money. Loneliness.

People

I really don’t trust people, and its because I see them all as weak. How can you be trusted if you are weak? A weak person can be manipulated. Good and bad does not matter if they are weak. They will be overcome by the opposite force.

A good weak person will allow oppression. A bad weak person will allow justice to prevail. Both of these people are not a force to stop the opposing force.

Time

I dont know how to spend my time. Ive slightly increased in worship. so thats good. Ill be so bored. and I wont know what to do. I will end up doing more productive things as a result cause I subconsciously dont see the value in chasing cheap dopamine. (talking to girls, scrolling on my phone, oversleeping, checking notifications.)

Money

The topic of Financial security always would make me anxious. And would make me want to hustle like crazy but I don’t think it was healthy. I would make money but I would see it as not enough. And occupy myself with coming up with ideas on how to make more. With all of them relying on luck. I would not be content or proud if I made some money.

But I am way more content now. My ideas on making money are more calculated now. And my debts don’t feel like a tunnel closing in on me if I dont get out of it fast enough. I see them as something very manageable. And i can increase my debt to income ratio as oppose to paying it down early.

Loneliness

One thing did hit me really hard. I am lonely. I didn’t realize it. I would always have someone to interact with. Literally always. Then i decided that I’m wasting my time and theirs. So I dont talk to them as much. My friends don’t really hit me up to hang out like that.

It doesn’t really bother me. Surprisingly. They are not going where I am going. They are all complacent. And they are all weak. I have no real need for them. I try to always be there for them if they need me. And its not reciprocated. It doesnt make me sad or upset or angry. but I do note it.